My 12 Year- Old Self Should Not Have been on Facebook

What’s a good relationship if you don’t annoy each other once in a while?  It keeps it interesting and they’re the only person you don’t mind- too much- bothering you.  Over the weekend, I had the glorious idea to go through every Facebook post he had ever written.  He didn’t think it was too glorious but we were either watching out sixth hour of Gossip Girl or golf… It was all fun and games for me, until he threatened to do it too, so I stopped.

Late Sunday night I had decided to go through my own and wouldn’t you know it, they were worse than his.  Facebook seems to be every child’s “gateway drug” into the world of social media.  And no matter how much my twelve- year- old self would hate me for saying this, for my own sake, Mom, it would have been better if you had said no.

Twelve is the middle school age, or end of elementary school age for almost all school districts.  It’s a time that people start to transform into an adult and are very conscious of the world around them.  However, during the 2015 summer, I coached kids from the ages of four to eighteen and my goodness I did not expect them to be so tiny.  I assumed the eight year olds were about five or six.  And those thirteen year olds, ten.  Needless to say, they should not be on Facebook.

During my time in middle school, I didn’t have a lot of friends, people assumed I was a genius and the most well behaved child ever because I was so quiet and I wouldn’t say I went unnoticed but I was no one’s first choice as a partner in gym.  However, I posted on Facebook like I was the most popular kid in school.

So, I will now respond to my twelve year old posts…

“Had the greatest time at six flags with youth group” *tagged both youth group leaders* “Also saw X, Y, and Z.”

Now, like I said, I didn’t have a lot of friends, so “X, Y and Z” were three people from school that I had never talked to.  It seems like I liked to tag people that I had no business tagging.  It’s as if I was trying to prove that I did have friends.  But, if I did do something with people, they made it into my status.  I hereby apologize to all of you…

“Phoenix, everyone where black tomorrow because you don’t want to be standing in the sea of kids dressed in black and you’re stuck wearing neon green when we win!”

Allie, buddy, dumbass, calm down.  This was a post the day before my first middle school field day…  I was in seventh grade, not even the oldest in school and yet I was saying that the other two teams were going down.  Now, no one owns a neon green shirt unless their calling is to be a highlighter in a sea full of sharpies.  Secondly, it’s field day, so everyone knows better than to not wear their team colors.  However, to the child that was wearing neon green, it’s okay buddy, we didn’t win…


Because you definitely didn’t post about how hot it was, or the rain or how bored you were the whole time…  I’m sure it was another one filled with games of sharks and minnows at the pool laced between swim practices.  Heads up:  if you find this post on my timeline, you probably aren’t seeing the original one… because it was the “BEST SUMMER EVER” two summers in a row.  And if you asked me what I did that summer, I couldn’t even tell ya…

“16 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

Posted April 1st to make sure everyone knew I was turning thirteen in sixteen days so that all of my friends could prepare.  My father was the only one who “liked it.”  (In case anyone’s interested, 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

“Walking to the beach with X and Y!” 

These two girls went to a different school and hour away from my main Facebook audience.  They weren’t tagged in the post because I texted it to Facebook on my super cool slide phone and I couldn’t tag people on there…  I had also decided to leave on my little signature at the bottom of the message so the real one reads: “Walking to the beach with X and Y! Allie <3s u!”  Yikes kiddo, yikes…

“I got a dress!!!!”

For what? Why did you need it?  Why is this relevant to other people?  Will they see it?  Turns out it was for the eighth grade dance.  Who woulda thought?

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*       *   __________   *

    *      /__________\     *

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“Found this and thought it was cool!” 

Translation:  Look at the house made out of things on the keyboard!  So Cool!

I’m like 109% sure everyone was jealous…

 (\_/)     (\_/)

 (>’.’<)   (>’.’<)

(“)_(“)   (“)_(“)    Hoppy Easter

Once again, only liked by good old, John Wengler.

“Seven days of no swimming makes one weak.”

I see what you did there you little middle schooler, you…. Status game week 😉 What?

If these don’t give you any red flags as to why a twelve- year- old shouldn’t have any sort of social media, I don’t know what will.  I used an abundance of exclamation points, tagged an abundance of people, and posted an abundance of things that no one really cared about.  I also went through a phase of liking every single post that other people wrote saying “LMS for a like,” “LMS for a like and dislike,” “LMS for a tbh”, a video, a long letter, a rate, etc.  To all those people, I am sincerely sorry, you all said the same thing, I knew I was quiet, but thank you for putting up with me.

So, Kris Kristoferson, I apologize for making my way through your entire Facebook timeline and laughing because mine are much worse.  However, there is no longer any proof, unless you are an expert with computers, due to my recent deleting rampage that lasted from 12am- 3:30am.  This took several hours and was the result of many head shakes, embarrassment and hating of my younger self…

Today you will see me sharing videos, pictures and articles I have written, notice how I don’t post any statuses anymore.  However, sooner or later I’ll probably delete those too.